Are you at Cause of Effect?

undefinedAre you a Cause or Effect-type Person?

Do you ever have the feeling that the world is against you?

Does it sometimes feel as though everything that can go wrong, does go wrong? And then you get those moments when everything falls into place and you feel that all is good in your world again.

 

undefinedThe British Liberal Politician Herbert Samuel said "The world is like a mirror; frown at it and it frowns at you. Smile and it smiles too." In other words, We project onto the world what is going on inside our heads.

It follows then, that if we can change what's going on inside our heads, we an change our world; that is, our experience of the world and how we feel about it.

undefinedEvery effect has an underlying cause.

That is what led to Isaac Newton defining the law of gravity. He was sitting under a tree when an apple fell to the ground. He realised that apples don't fall without something causing that to happen. That cause is the law of gravity

undefinedThe same is true in our everyday lives. If you find your clothes don't fit anymore, the cause may be that you have been eating too many cakes!Or if you keep being fired from jobs, the cause may be that you are a poor time-keeper.

undefinedWhen you realise what the cause is, you can do something about it.

Sometimes the cause may be something outside of our control. For instance, you may have been laid-off from your job because the company is down-sizing or moving to a different location.

But you still have a choice as to whether you stay in the 'effect' zone where things just happen to you, or whether you step up to the 'cause' zone and make things happen.

Whatever the underlying cause for you losing your job you have the opportunity to turn it into something better. Maybe its time to learn a new skill or to look in a different direction, for instance.

undefinedIncreasingly we live in a blame culture where everything that goes wrong is someone else's fault. People trip over and sue the council because the pavement was uneven. A child falls off a swing and the parents blame the park attendant for the quality of the swing.

We live our lives 'at cause' or 'at effect'. People who are 'at cause' tend to take responsibility for their lives; they don't make excuses but look for lessons to learn in every situation and opportunities to develop, improve and expand.

People who are 'at effect' on the other hand tend to live their lives with a victim mentality. Nothing is their fault; they lose power, blame others and don't take responsibility. Life tends to 'happen' to people who are 'at effect'

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In truth, we all move from one to the other, but once you accept the premise that you are responsible for your own life, your awareness starts to grow and you are able to move from being 'at effect' to being 'at cause' for more of the time.

In order to help yourself move from being 'at effect' to being 'at cause', consider your thoughts, words and behaviours, and those of people around you.

If you find yourself in conflict with someone, ask yourself:

  • What happened there?
  • What did I do to cause that conflict?
  • What can I do to put things right?

If you find yourself feeling sad, resentful or angry about something, ask yourself:

  • Why am I feeling like this?
  • What can I do to change the way I feel?
  • How can I get to being 'at cause' in this situation?

undefinedIf something happens that is not according to plan, ask yourself:

  • Is there something I can learn from this?
  • What good can come out of it?
  • What will I do now to turns things around?


Successful people live their lives 'at cause'. They take responsibility for what happens, learn from every situation and approach life from the perspective that everything that happens is an opportunity.

So here's the challenge. From this moment on, repeat the following mantra to yourself: "I am at cause!"

If you want it to happen, make it happen!


undefinedCarol Page
Tel: (00357) 9907 8545
E-mail: carolpage@newpagelc.co.uk
Website: www.newpagelc.co.uk

A Fresh Start and a Beautiful New Beginning

undefinedIn last month's newsletter I suggested a model for doing an End-of-Year Review. The idea behind that exercise was to recognise all the good things that happened, to learn from the more challenging moments and to realise that we have greater inner resources to overcome life's difficulties than maybe we thought we had.

This month I am going to suggest a way to set yourself up for having a really good year ahead.

Sitting back and waiting to see what life throws at us is one way of being, but it is certainly not my style. By incorporating a little forward planning, along with creative thinking and visualisation, we can not only dream big, but make those dreams come true.

So here goes:

Step 1: Get yourself prepared

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Make some time for yourself when you will not be disturbed. Turn off your phone, light a candle, put on some meditation or calming music, grab a pen and plenty of paper and make yourself comfortable.

Step 2: Your Life


Write 2017 in the centre of a sheet of paper. Then around that, write the various things that make up your life. This might include any or all
of the following:

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  • Work
  • Home
  • Relationship
  • Family
  • Friends
  • Hobbies
  • Personal/Spiritual Development
  • Health an Fitness
  • Holidays/Leisure Time

undefinedStep 3: Set your Goals

On another sheet of paper, write one of the life areas (the one that needs the most planning). Now write yourself a goal or goals for what you want to achieve in that area of your life, this year. Write is as a clear, short sentence and make sure it is a realistic goal.

Step 4: What needs to happenundefined

List all the things that need to happen for you to achieve that goal.

undefinedStep 5: To-Do List for January

Write what you are going to do in January, that will help you to get to your desired goal. The last item on your list for January will be to write a list of things you need to do in February.

Step 6: Actions for Week 1undefined

Now decide and write down what you will actually do in week one. Again, the last item on this list will be to draw up a list of what you will do in week 2.

You can do this for each of the life areas that you identified, ensuring that you are not letting any area of your life become neglected.

undefinedWhen you have finished, spend a few more moments visualising how you want your year and be and being thankful for all the good things that you already have.

undefinedIf you really want 2017 to be your best year yet, contact me now for a Free Consultation to help set you up. Perhaps you need help shifting your mindset, overcoming grief or trauma that is holding you back.

Perhaps this year is the year for you to prepare yourself to find deep and meaningful love, or to get your current relationship into better shape.

Maybe its time to deal with issues from the past that have been holding you back for years.

Whatever issues you might be facing, get in touch now to see how I can help you find inner peace and become more fulfilled with your life.

I look forward to hearing from you.

undefinedCarol Page
E-mail: carolpage@newpagelc.co.uk
Website: www.newpagelc.co.uk

Time to Slay your Demons

undefinedOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess who lived in a castle far, far away. One day she went for a walk in the forest and came across a huge fire-breathing dragon that blocked her path. The princess screamed for help and low and behold, along came a brave knight who drew his sword and slayed the dragon. The princess was then able to continue happily along on her journey.

We are all familiar with these fairy-tales of old from which the term ‘Slay the dragon” originates.

Nowadays the term usually refers to problems or concerns that threaten to consume us. Our own personal dragons, or demons within. Sometimes we spend our lives hiding from our demons or pretending they are not really there at all. Unfortunately demons, like problems, have a habit of growing, and there isn’t always a brave knight on hand to rescue us.

So what are our demons?

  • undefinedLimiting Beliefs. Messages that play and re-play inside our heads. These limiting beliefs affect the way we show up in the world and hold us back from being the confident, happy and successful people we long to be. They can be so deeply embedded into our subconscious mind that we are barely aware that they exist, or have come to believe that this is how the world really is. But they can be eliminated, or at least managed.

 

  • undefinedHabits that we have developed that are annoying for ourselves and other people. Sometimes we don’t even know that we are doing these things, but they may be affecting our relationships and damaging our career opportunities.

 

  • undefinedNegative personality. We run ourselves and other people down, always expecting the worse to happen. Sometimes described as being a ‘glass half empty’ attitude to life, we tend to always see the bad in situations and consequently, we attract negative people and situations, which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

 

 

  • undefinedBehaviour patterns that are self-destructive and often repeating over the years. We see this in relationships, where patterns of relating are repeated over and over with different partners. We sabotage our own lives and feel unable to do anything about it.

     

How do we deal with these demons?

  • Recognise that the demons are there. This comes through becoming self-aware. When we ignore, or are oblivious to an issue that is showing up in our lives, we are unable to tackle it. Conversely, when we acknowledge that a problem exists, we are half way to being able to do something about it.
  • If possible, consider the root of the issue. Where does it go back to? Try to do this without pointing the finger of blame at yourself or anyone else. Being judgmental, or playing the victim card is not going to help and will only make matters worse. It is about understanding, not judging.
  • Decide if this is a demon you can slay by yourself, or whether you need help to do it. There is no shame whatsoever in getting help to tackle your demons. Most likely everyone else can see them anyway, so by getting support you are ‘manning up’ to the situation rather than trying to avoid it.
  • undefinedTake action! Don’t avoid it any longer. Decide what needs to be done and get that demon slayed!


To discuss this in more detail, please get in touch. It may be that just one or two coaching sessions with me will be enough to help you gain the skills to tackle your own demons. Or more on-going coaching will enable you to get those demons dealt with more effectively and swiftly, so that you can live your life without being hampered by scary dragons that threaten to eat you alive!



undefinedContact me now for a free no obligation consultation.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Carol Page
Tel: (00357) 9907 8545
E-mail: carolpage@newpagelc.co.uk
Website: www.newpagelc.co.uk

New Term - New Start

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September is the time for change. Holiday makers are returning; children are going back to school and students are flying the nest for college or university.

It is the time to get back in the garden after the heat of the summer; it’s the time to clear away the cobwebs that have gathered in the corners of the room.

Maybe you’re starting to think about re-joining the gym and what classes you will take. Maybe there is a new project at work you have to get your teeth into. Whatever your age or circumstances, the chances are that September is a time for getting organised again after the summer. It’s the time to get your satchel packed ready for a new term.

So how about spending a bit of time thinking about how your life is and what changes you want or need to make. Here is a great way to start:

undefinedThe Wheel of Life

Take a piece of paper and drawer a large circle. Then divide the circle into 6 or 8 segments. Each of these segments represents a different area of your life.

Next, around the outer rim of the wheel, label the segments with the areas of your life. These might include:

  • Relationship
  • Home
  • Family
  • Friends
  • Education
  • Personal Development
  • Work
  • Finances
  • Health and Fitness
  • Hobbies/Leisure Time

Note: if you decide you need more segments, you can just sub-divide one or more of the segments.

Draw a line within each segment to illustrate how fulfilled you are in that area of your life right now, and shade in that area. Regard the centre of the circle as representing least satisfied and the outer rim as fully satisfied. So for example, if one of your life areas is your home and you feel happy and content with your home life right now, you may shade in all or most of your Home segment. On the other hand, if you feel discontent with your home life right now, you may only shade in a small part of that segment.

Repeat this for all the segments of your Wheel of Life.

When you have completed your Wheel of Life, consider how balanced it is. You may find you have a very wobbly wheel. This will help you to see where you need to give more attention to bring greater all-round fulfillment to your life.undefined

Set Goals

Now set goals for yourself in each area of your life, giving particular attention to the areas that you are not so fulfilled in right now. Consider how things are now, and how you would like them to be. Then write a clear and achievable goal that will enable you to move towards being more fulfilled in that area of your life.

You might like to repeat this process in a few months to see how you have progressed.

If you would like help to work through this process and to make sure you achieve your goals, please get in touch. I am here to support you.

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Contact me now for a free, no obligation consultation:

Carol Page

E-mail: carolpage@newpagelc.co.uk

 

In Search of Inner Happiness

In Search of Inner Happinessundefined

We all want deep inner happiness. We want to feel peace and calm, regardless of what is going on around us. The reality is that we are often riddled with grief, guilt, anxiety, stress, fear and sometimes depression, struggling each day with our emotional roller coaster.

Whether you are looking for a successful relationship, a more fulfilling career, financial security or better health, the bottom line is that you want to feel good.

undefinedBut happiness can be fleeting. You feel happy one minute because the sun is shining, you are having fun with friends or you are watching a feel-good movie and at that moment, all is well in your world.

Then something happens in your circumstances, your mood changes and happiness is gone, perhaps leaving you feeling sad, lonely, anxious or depressed.

It can be as simple as an unkind word that is spoken or hearing some sad news; or maybe it’s an accumulation of events that lead to your change of mood. Whatever the perceived cause, it can be very difficult to shake off.

Wouldn’t it be great to find the kind of inner happiness that doesn’t depend on what is going on around you, to take control of your emotions and become balanced, harmonious and better able to cope with life's challenges?

Imagine waking up each morning feeling really glad to be alive and drifting off to sleep at night with genuine contentment; dealing with challenges in a calm, collected frame of mind, knowing that you are creating a beautiful and fulfilling life. But how do we do that?

Here are four strategies for having deep inner happiness that doesn’t go away with the change of circumstances:

 

undefined1.  Recognise that you are responsible for your own happiness


No one else can make you happy. It is a mind-set. You can have the most attentive, adorable partner in the world, and still not be happy. Consequently, no one else can make you unhappy. When we understand that, we realise that actually we have more control than we thought we had.

 

 

 

 

undefined

 2.  Watch your thoughts and words

We create our own reality usually without even being aware that we are doing it. Phrases such as ‘knowing my luck…’ and ‘I can’t do that’ have the effect of limiting us. They hold us back and form our reality. When we become aware of those spoken and unspoken phrases, we can turn them around and start creating a new reality. For example, if you hear yourself thinking ‘It doesn’t work for me’, try re-phrasing it to something like ‘I’ve tried it in the past and haven’t had much success, but I’m willing to give it another go. Perhaps it will work this time.’

 

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3.  Learn the art of gratitude


When you focus on what you perceive to be negative or bad in your life, you become attached to it and stuck in that ‘bad’ place. You start to expect bad things to happen and consequently they do! By consciously making a shift and giving thought to all that is good, you can break the cycle and actually turn your world around.

 

4.  Mindfulnessundefined

We become stressed, angry or upset because of the ‘stuff’ we tell ourselves. Our thoughts run away with themselves and are often not related to the actual event that lead to the negative emotion in the first place. By bringing ourselves back to the present, to the Now moment, we can often stop the escalation of negative thoughts, which enables us to let go of the emotion.

 

undefinedWant some help?

Using a variety of skills and techniques including guided meditation, visualisations, energy healing and EFT in addition to extensive coaching skills and experience, I can help you overcome the emotional roller coaster, and begin to find deep and lasting happiness in all areas of your life.

I have a Diploma in Personal Performance Coaching (merit), I am a certified Relationship Coach for Singles and have many years experience coaching clients through a wide variety of work, relationship and other life circumstances. I teach meditation to groups and individuals. I am a Reiki Healer. I have a 1st Class Hons degree in Theology, MA in Pastoral Studies and Certificate in Counselling.

If you would like to find deep and lasting happiness in your life, work and relationships, contact me now.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Carol Page
E-mail: carolpage@newpagelc.co.uk
http://newpagelc.co.uk/contact.html

 

Bereavement: What is 'Normal?'

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Grief can take many different forms

Whether that is the end of a relationship, loss of property, loss of mobility or mental faculties or the death of someone close to us, the stages of grieving that we can typically go through are similar.


Grief can be overwhelming and at the time, it may feel like it will never end. But if we understand that there are typically stages that a bereaved person often goes through, we can get some reassurance that we are not alone in this and that it will get easier.

 

The Grieving Processundefined

There is no ‘right’ or ‘normal’ way to grieve. It is an individual experience and grieving follows many different patterns. However, there are common feelings and stages which many bereaved people go through.

Grieving takes place after any sort of loss, but most powerfully after the death of someone we love. It is a whole succession of feelings, which can take a while to get through and which cannot be hurried. The order in which bereaved people experience these feelings is often similar; however, we are all individuals, and phases we thought we had passed through can re-occur.

Grief is most commonly experienced after the death of someone we have known for some time. However, people who have had stillbirths, miscarriages, or who have lost young babies suffer a similar experience of grieving.

In the few hours or days following the death of a close relative or friend, most people feel simply stunned, as though they cannot believe it has actually happened. They may feel like this even if the death has been expected.

This sense of emotional numbness can be helpful in getting through all the important practical arrangements that have to be made, such as organising the funeral. However this feeling of unreality may become a problem if it goes on for too long. Seeing the body of their loved one may be, for some, an important way of beginning to overcome this. For many people, the funeral or memorial service can be helpful ways of saying goodbye to those we love.

Soon, this numbness may be replaced by a dreadful sense of agitation, or yearning for the dead person. There is a feeling of wanting to find them, even though this is clearly impossible. This makes it hard to relax or concentrate and it may be difficult to sleep properly. Dreams may be extremely disturbing. Some people feel that they see their loved one everywhere they go.

People often feel very angry at this time, towards doctors and nurses, towards friends and relatives, or even towards the person who has left them.

Another common feeling is guilt. People find themselves going over in their minds all the things they would have liked to have said and done. Guilt may also arise if a sense of relief is felt when someone has died after a particularly painful or distressing illness. This feeling of relief is natural, extremely understandable and very common.

The state of agitation is usually strongest about two weeks after the death but is often followed by times of quiet sadness or depression, withdrawal and silence. These sudden changes of emotion are just part of the normal way of passing through the different stages of grief.

Although the agitation lessens, the periods of low mood can become more frequent and often reach their peak between four and six weeks later.

Spasms of grief can occur at any time, sparked off by people, places or things that bring back memories of the person who has died. During this time it may appear to others as though the bereaved person is spending a lot of time just sitting doing nothing. In fact they are usually thinking about the person they have lost, going over again and again both the good times and the bad times they had together. This is a quiet but essential part of coming to terms with death.

As time passes, the fierce pain of early bereavement begins to fade. The deep sadness lessens and it is possible to think about other things - even to look again to the future. However the sense of having lost a part of oneself never goes away entirely. After some time the bereaved person can start to feel whole again, even though a part is missing.

These stages of mourning often overlap and show themselves in different ways for different people. Many find that the pain of a major bereavement eases within one to two years. Eventually, the deep sadness lifts, sleep improves and energy returns to normal.

Having said all this there is no ‘normal’ way to grieve and the process can take much longer. We are all individuals and have our own particular ways of grieving.

 

Grief That’s Unresolvedundefined

Some people seem hardly to grieve at all and return to their normal life remarkably quickly. Others may suffer from strange physical symptoms or repeated spells of depression over the following years.


Sometimes the problem is that the loss is not perceived by others as a ‘proper’ bereavement. This happens often, but not always, to those who have had a miscarriage or stillbirth. Again frequent periods of deep sadness may follow.

Some may start to grieve but get stuck. The early sense of shock and disbelief goes on and on. Others may carry on being unable to think of anything else. Occasionally sleepless nights continue for so long as to become a serious problem.

 

Bereavement Supportundefined

Getting support to help you through the grieving processes may be what is needed to get you through a difficult time towards coping on your own again and should never be seen as a sign of weakness. Your doctor or local Bereavement group should be able to provide support.

 

Bereavement Coachingundefined

Bereavement coaching is often helpful some months or even years after the initial period of grieving, particularly if there is a feeling that you have become stuck and unable to move on with your life, or if there have been multiple bereavements. Here the focus is on helping you overcome barriers to moving forward, re-gaining your confidence and helping you look to the future in a positive way.


If you feel that maybe bereavement coaching could be appropriate for you, do not hesitate to call me to discuss it, without any obligation whatsoever.

 

Contact me at:undefined

I look forward to hearing from you.

Carol Page
Tel: (00357) 9907 8545
E-mail: carolpage@newpagelc.co.uk
Website: www.newpagelc.co.uk

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